Opening Spiel[]
2002 PILOT OPENING SPIEL:
"ELWOOD: 24 hours ago, today's contestants were locked in our study chambers and deprived of sleep...
DR. KRAM: Sleep deprivation can cause severe brain dysfunction!
ELWOOD:...both teams are given piles of interesting material to study...
DR. KRAM: Broken thought and forgetfulness is common.
ELWOOD:...cut off from the outside world, both teams will have to resist the urge to sleep and retain as much information as possible. No coffee, No rest, Nooooo mercy...
DR. KRAM: Many subjects...just go...insane.
ELWOOD:...It's time to CRAM!" - Graham Elwood & Dr. Kram
"ELWOOD: Hello, I'm Graham Elwood and welcome to Cram. The first game show that actually gives the contestants the answers. But, they're hidden somewhere in this pile of study materials. Things like: a stack of National Enquirers, 1,001 Facts That Somebody Screwed Up and of course The Best Riddle Book Ever. Thank you doctors. They had to pull an all nighter cramming it into their exhausted heads. They looked pretty fresh 24 hours ago, but let's bring them out and see what kind of damage we've done. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Crammers!" - Graham Elwood
2003 SERIES OPENING SPIEL:
"(Man: Cram!) ELWOOD: 24 hours ago, four brave souls were locked up in our Hollywood and Highland Cramatouriums. Deprived of sleep, the two teams were each given a huge pile of ridiculous information to study. Trapped in a Hollywood storefront all night, they had to resist the urge to sleep and cram as many facts as possible into their exhausted brains. (Man: Cram!) ELWOOD: No sleep. No privacy. No mercy. Now, we're gonna find out what they've learned, there's 10 Grand ($10,000) on the line. It's time to... (Man: CRAM!)"
"Hello, I'm Graham Elwood, and welcome to (a very special celebrity edition of) Cram. The only show where contestants are given all the answers ahead of time and a whole day of night of tiddly little brains. Now, earlier, our exhausted crammers were brought via Saturn Ion from their overnight study sessions in a Hollywood store front. They're just arriving now. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Crammers!" - Graham Elwood
Catchphrases[]
"Ladies and gentlemen, there's no standing or staring around, or resting. Let's get on to Icey with those giant Hamster Wheels and start moving!" - Graham Elwood
“For making it through the night, I'm gonna start off each of our teams 100 points. Let's see if you can hold on to the points on The Rant. Last night, we gave our crammers two/three articles to study including (insert articles). (insert team), you won the 3 a.m. coin toss. Which article did you choose to study? (insert article choice). We have secretly selected eight keywords or phrases from the article. For every one of them that you mentioned, you'll hear this sound... (ding), and you'll get 10 points. But here's the catch, you must talk continuously/non-stop. Everytime you stutter, stop, stall, saying 'Um' or 'Uh', or the judges feel you've gone too far off topic, you'll hear this sound... (buzzer), and you would lose 5 points." - Graham Elwood (about The Rant)
"At the end of Round 1, (insert score recap), but for now, both teams must keep their giant Hamster Wheels moving!" - Graham Elwood (to remind both teams that they must keep their Hamster Wheels moving before the first commercial break)
“WE ARE DEADLOCKED! (insert score recap) Before the show, you were asked a tie-breaker question. You already committed to your answers. Whoever comes closest to the correct answer without going over will win and the right to go for $10,000. The question is: (insert tiebreaker question). Remember, the closest without going over wins. (insert team name #1), show the folks at home your answer. (insert team name #1), show the folks at home your answer. The correct answer is (insert response)." - Tiebreaker rules
"Over the commercial break, Ms. Pickwick is gonna read our crammers some warm and snugly bedtime facts that they've never heard before. They better concentrate because when Cram/we come[s] back, there's gonna be a $10,000 Quiz. Ms. Pickwick, off you go/they're all yours." - Graham Elwood (at the final commercial break before the Bonus Round)
"(whispering) Welcome back to Cram. In just a moment, an alarm will go off, and a 60-second clock will start. The crammers will have to run over the (insert 4-feet balance scale) and balance/get all four feet off the ground before I can start asking questions. I'm gonna quiz them on the facts that Ms. Pickwick has just read to them. They must get to Level 5 to win, and for every question they get right, they get closer. For every question they get wrong, they fall back. If they can get all the way to Level 5 within 60 seconds, they'll win $10,000. But if any part of the body touches the ground, I will stop reading and start the question again from the beginning. Sound like fun? Here we go." - Graham Elwood (about the Bonus Round coming out of the final commercial break)
"COME ON GUYS, LET'S GO!" - Graham Elwood (to tell the contestants to hurry and get on the balance scale)
"(ding) That's correct." - Graham Elwood (when the winning team gets the correct answer moves one scale up)
"(buzzer) Wrong. (Insert correct answer)." - Graham Elwood (when the winning team gets the wrong answer moves one scale down)
"(synthesize beat) That's/That is correct, you got yourselves $10,000!" (Congratulations! Well/Nicely done!/Nice job!/Way to go!)" - Graham Elwood (when the winning team reached level 5, they got themselves $10,000 win)
Tagline[]
"That's it for today, but the Crammers for our next show are already loaded into the Crammatoriums. They look pretty fresh now, but wait 'til you see them tomorrow. For all of us here at Cram, I'm Graham Elwood saying, 'If you snooze, you (will) lose.'" - Graham Elwood