|Steve Gadlin as "Sasha"|
Paul Luikart as "The Noob"
|Fuzzy Gerdes as "Mr. Pickles"|
|Bryan Bowden as "Timekeeper Willis"|
Stock Yard Films
Don't Spit the Water! was a proposed pilot for a game show where contestants fill their mouths with water and try not to spit it out from laughter while watching various Chicago comedians.
Three contestants would fill their cheeks with water while three comedians tried to make them laugh so hard, they spit it out!
In the first round, each contestant faced a pre-selected comedian for 45 seconds, earning one point for each second they didn't spit the water.
In the second round, one contestant faced a randomly-selected comedian for one minute. The other two contestants made a wager on whether that contestant would spit the water or not. A correct prediction added the wager, while an incorrect prediction deducted it. After each contestant had faced a comedian and each contestant had predicted twice, the two contestants with the highest scores advanced to the final round.
Final Round: Speed Round
The remaining two contestants were seated across from each other. They each had six shot glasses of water in front of them. They would fill their cheeks with it, and a comedian would tell a joke. Then the contestants each filled their cheeks with more water, and another comedian told a funnier joke. This went on until someone spit out their water, giving the opponent the game. It is unknown what would have happened if both contestants used up all six shot glasses and no one had yet spit the water.
All three contestants each received a t-shirt with the shows logo, and a way to play the game at home; the winner, however, also received $100 and a "mystery prize".
- Robert Buscemi as "Earl LaRue (Handsome Comedian)"
- Ken Barnard as "Stupid Head (Prop Comedian)"
- Erica Reid as "Cutie Bumblesnatch (Delightful Comedian)"
Open – "Lift Ev'ry Voice and Sing" by William "Shooby" Taylor
Close – "Don't Spit the Water Theme Song" by The Hump Night Thumpers
You can drink, you can gulp, you can swallow, you can slurp,
You can sip from a cup, you can gargle and-a-burp,
But whatever you do do, Don't Spit the Water!
You can make a cup of Jello, you can make a cup of tea,
You can make lemonade, you can make all three,
But whatever you do make, Don't Spit the Water!
(DON'T SPIT!) Don't Spit the Water! (x2)
(DON'T SPIT!) Well, whatever they say, whatever they do, DON'T SPIT!
Well, it can turn to ice, it can turn to steam,
It can make you muddy, then make you clean,
But please hold back the shower, Don't Spit the Water!
There's too much in a flood, not enough in a drought,
It's perfect in a steam when you're fishing for trout,
But before you take that cake, Don't Spit the Water!
(Same as the first, except that the second time the show is mentioned, "the" is replaced with "that.")
Based on a live stage show of the same name by Steve Gadlin.