Opening Spiel[]
"Get ready for VS. (Tonight,) It's the team that (Insert various catchphrases for team #1) Vs. a team that (Insert various catchphrases for team #2). That's right! It's (Insert Team #1) Vs. (Insert Team #2) on VS. And now, a man who (insert funny fact), (your host,) GREG PROOPS!"
Catchphrases[]
"Hello, everybody/(insert funny insult audience) and welcome to VS. (This is) The show that brings together two rival teams and pits them against one another in mortal intellectual combat. Today/Tonight, it's (Insert funny insults of Team #1) Vs. (Insert funny insults of Team #2). Joe, we met the teams, and now let's (insert action) the players!" - Greg Proops
"First, this is (insert first team person #1). (insert description of a first funny person #1). Next up/Up next is (insert first team person #2). (insert description of a first funny person #2). And finally there's (insert first team person #3). (insert description of a first funny person #3). And those are the (team #1)! Meet (insert second team person #1) (insert description of a funny person #1). Next up/Up next is (insert second team person #2). (insert description of a second funny person #2). And finally there's (insert first team person #3). (insert description of a funny person #3). And those are the (team #2). (After meeting the teams, Greg and Joe gave a little chat before the game starts)" - Joe Liss
Round 1[]
"We're gonna start things off with some General Knowledge questions. Everyone has a chance to ring in, (but mostly the people with the buzzers in their hands,) and every correct answer is worth $100. But if you get it wrong, (don't freak,) you don't lose any points, but the other team will have a chance to confer and steal the dash, all eyes gazed and breathless wonder at the VS. board." - Greg Proops
"Here's our next subject... (insert subject). And the categories are... (insert two category choices)." - Greg Proops
"That's the end of Round 1. (insert score recap). When we come back, (insert funny quote about tough questions)." - Greg Proops
Round 2[]
"Welcome back to VS., I'm (insert specific celebrity or character). After the General Knowledge Round, (insert score recap). It's time for Round 2, now the questions are going to focus on both of your very, very different worlds. There are five questions written for each team. If you answer a question in your category, it's worth $200. If you answer a question in the other teams' category, it's worth $400. But a wrong answer will cost you $200. This is a timed round." - Greg Proops
"There's only 1 minute and 30 seconds left." - Greg Proops
"There are/I/We have no (more) questions left for (insert controlling team)'s. They're all (insert opposing team)'s questions. Here we go." - Greg Proops (when all five questions are asked by either Team's Choice, they must go to The Other Team's Choice)
"(sparkling sound) There's only one minute left." - Greg Props
"30 seconds left." - Greg Proops
"That's the end of Round 2. (insert score recap). When we come back, we'll finish it all up." - Greg Proops
Round 3[]
"GREG: Welcome back to VS. (insert funny comedy quote). It all comes down to this, the winners keep their cash, the losers will (insert action of prizes). What is it, Joe? JOE: (insert prize for the losing team). (After describing the prize for the losing team, Greg and Joe will give a brief chat before Round 3)"
"It all comes down to this, you're representing for (team #1), you're representing for (team #2). This is how the Third Round works: Each of you will get three questions, and that's it. Ring in as soon as you think you know what that answer is. If you get it right, $250 (insert funny products). If you get it wrong, we deduct/take away $250 (insert funny products). All of the questions in this round can be answered by one of these three choices... (insert three multiple choice answers)." - Greg Proops
"(insert team) WINS! When we come back, we'll find out if (insert winning team) can get it right." - Greg Proops
Bonus Round[]
"Welcome back, (people/insert funny insult audience,) the (insert winning team) wins. You (insert winning team) won a total of (insert total), which is yours to keep (no matter what happens). Now we'll see if you can win some more cash, it's time for the Grand Finale. I will ask you one question. If you get it right, you'll win $1,000. If you get it wrong, the (insert losing team) will have one more chance at the money. Here are the two subjects you can pick from... (insert two subjects)." - Greg Proops
"(insert subject) it is. All right, I'm gonna ask you the question, you'll have 10 seconds to confer/think it over/about it, and then I'll need an answer. Here we go." - Greg Proops
"(insert Grand Finale question). You'll have 10 seconds to confer/think it over/about it. (music plays while Greg talking funny comedy quotes) All right, (insert winning team), your time is up, what is your answer?" - Greg Proops
"it's correct!" - Greg Proops (when the either the winning team or the losing team answers the Grand Finale question correctly)
"(No,) That is incorrect/wrong. All right, (insert losing team), I'll re-read/repeat the question, and then you'll have five seconds to confer/think it over/about it. (asks current question). You'll have five seconds to confer/think it over/about it. (music plays). All right, (insert losing team), your time is up, what is your answer?" - Greg Proops (when the winning team failed to answer the Grand Finale question, allows the losing team a chance to answer)
Tagline[]
"Until next time, mick jagger take on paula jones). Peace out." - Greg Proops